Goodbye "09 and all your "Huge Times"

Well that was the mantra, "Huge Time in '09."  Did I live up to it?  Who knows, but I do know I have loved much and been loved more than I could have been asked for.  I have come together and fell apart in so many areas of my life, but sitting here at my desk drinking my super strong cup of hot organic peppermint tea I think I actually lived under the radar this year.  I kept waiting for something big and I missed alot of little, which is not very me. 
But the truth is...
I bought and paid for my first car that I actually bought myself.
I said goodbye to Blanche, the greatest gift I ever recieved.
I bought what might be the last of my host of bridesmaids' dresses.
I saw two of my best friends get married to wonderful men.
I saw two Carolina Gamecock football games with the greatest girl in the world.
I met an awesome girl named Sarah and then watched her move away to an amazing job in DC.
I made a bazillion scarves for the people I love.
I watched the person who is suppose to love me the most desert me.
I loved someone so much it hurt.
I watched my dear friend lose her dearest friend and sister.
I got back a sister I had lost years ago and with her the most amazing kids in the world.
I spent a year without laying eyes on one Wild Woman.
I used up 90% of my alloted cell phone minutes talking to Wild Women.
I dressed up as Marilyn Monroe.
I realized I have the best cousins in the world (even the dorks who pull for Clemson.)
I bought a Clemson tie (yes, this was big)
I bought two Gamecock boas (best money ever spent)
I did the Macarena with the best church family in the world.
I went to see the Wild Things with my little sister.
I saw the best guy I know move away to Baltimore and leave me with a bunch of Grandmas.
I sang second soprano (badly)
I cried in the rain.
I danced in the rain.

All in all not a blow out year but certainly not a bust.  Thanks for the memories 2009.
Cheers!  and let's live it up in 2010!!!!

A few more Christmas pictures...

 I couldn't fit all of my pictures in the last entry so here are few more. :) 

Kacie and Nikki

Pretty Pink poinsettias at Calvary

The most beautiful Sanctuary ever

The Advent wreath all lit up

Robin lighting candles

Happy Donna

Silly Nikki and Abby

Me with my cousins, Amy and Ashley

Christmas 2009

Wild and crazy and non stop, that was this Christmas.  I felt a little like I was meeting myself coming and going all weekend and was ready to come back to work to get a little rest.  However it was wonderful!!  The candlelight service at Calvary on Christmas Eve was gorgeous with the church lit only by the candles in our hands.  People can say was they will about battery operated candles but I love just good ole regular wax candles, even if they do drip and burn you and make you hit random high notes in the middle of Silent Night.  I wore jeans to the service, but I think Elise and Marisa had the right idea, as they came in their pajamas and looked absolutely adorable!

All of the friends exchanged presents which of course was fun.  My friends are entirely to generous and incredible!  I of course was so excited to give Robin his tie.  I am still not sure what possessed me to get his a Clemson tie, but for that smile I suppose I can suck it up.  This picture however is to funny for words.  I couldn't stop laughing at Nikki and Clemson in a Bowl Game makes Robin entirely to giddy.

I spent Christmas Eve night with Nana and Lucy for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas morning festivities.  The taco soup was incredible as were the cinnamon rolls on Friday morning.

We opened presents and I got money towards a new computer (I can't wait!!!), and one of my favorite things, a new Gamecock key ring.  It's so pretty and goes we will my new Gamecock earrings!  I suppose Santa rewards those who love people enough to buy ugly Clemson stuff :)

After Christmas morning was wrapped up (or unwrapped) I went to BB's and we went to Charlotte to see Aunt Dena, Uncle Don, and Amy and Ashley.  We had a yummy lunch and fun opening presents and then us girls went to the movies to see Alvin and the Chipmunk: The Squeakquel.  I am now a huge fan of the Chipettes!!!

It was a really fun girls outing and it was great to spend some holiday time with my cousins!

Stockings!!! and trees....

Well, after a mild panic attack, when I realized that I really had no clue where my camera was, I found it and all is well.  Actually I prayed last night that God would show me where I had left it, and I had this really inconsequential dream where I was carrying my Dano bag instead of my regular purse, and voila!  It was in there this morning.  God is so awesome!

I finished the Grandparents presents last night and as I am pretty sure they don't read my blog (or even know that I have one) I can post pictures.  They have never had stockings for Christmas for as long as I can remember, and stockings are one of my favorite traditions.  So this year their real present is the wrapping as I made them stockings...or bought stockings and cross-stitched and decorated on them.  I am really excited about how they came out and I hope they enjoy them!

Also as promised ages ago, here are some pictures of my trees at the bank.  The little one is in my drive-thru and the big(ger) one is in our lobby.

I love decorating the bank and I am dreading having to take it all down next week.  Is there anything wrong with wanting a tree year round?

Snow in SC...the continuing saga

Well the weater finally went haywire Friday afternoon and depending in where exactly you were at in Sparkle City you may have had a little slush or have been socked in for the night.  I was the latter up in Chesnee.  I actually didn't mind as a curled up with some hot cocoa, my cross stitch and watched Frosty the Snowman while the snow fell.  I think that may be the first time I have ever had snow for watching Frosty and his friends so good on CBS for scheduling with the weather.

By noon on Saturday the white had melted down to traveling managabilty, and I was off to a marathon trip to Michael's for some last minute jewelry making supplies I had forgotten and one last skein of yarn (YAY!)

I have a tight schedule for my evenings to finish out everything I need for Thursday and Friday, but I am confident I will make the deadline!

Saturday evening was the Calvary Choir party.  I would have pictures, but I haven't gotten them from Cynthia and I can't find my camera :(  The party was a blast as was the Carol Sing on Sunday night.  For those unfamiliar with the Carol Sing, it is the the night when everyone who wants to sing a Christmas song, sings it in church.  Everything from Away in a Manger to Silver Bells.  Nikki and I sang which was super fun as I love singing with that girl!  My Sunday School kids stole the show though.  They were really nervous about singing in public but blew everyone aways with there voices and super cuteness.

Snow in SC...

...well sort of.  If you count the five minutes of snow that fell this morning and stuck to absolutely nothing then we had snow.  LOL  Weatherman says more is on the way tonight so we shall see!
I love snow and I absolutely loved the massive snows that we got when I was a kid in Missouri.  There is nothing like being six years old and having snow in your yard that is higher than you are.
The only thing that concerns me nowadays is driving in it.  When Buddy taught me to drive he taught me to drive a stick and I could manuever pretty well in Blanche (the old Subaru) in the winter weather.  However, I have no idea what to do in my automatic Maxie Lou.  I suppose I will figure it out, but I am not particularly looking forward to it.
I have ONE, count it ONE, scarf left to finish and I will be done with them for a little while, but I still have a bit of cross stitching and sewing left to do before the big guy comes down the chimney.  I have the coolest idea for presents for my grandparents who don't really do much to celebrate Christmas anymore.  When they are finished I will post pictures, but until then I will leave you in suspense. ;)

A Blue Christmas Cantata

The church is decorated absolutely beautiful for the Christmas season this year and last Sunday night was our annual choir program.  Some of you have known me for quite some time and you know that I love to sing, love my choir, but I can not and have never been able to sing any form of harmony.  The Lord did not wire my ears for hearing harmonies.  However I sucked it up and through many tears worked on learning a second soprano part for the program.  It was HARD, but I had a blast doing it!

After much debate we decided to leave the robes hanging in the closet this year and wear shades of blue and silver, and it looked gorgeous.  However due to Paul's sadness about not getting to wear his robe, Nikki and I will be wrapping up one for him to open on Christmas Eve.  I love my P-daddy, but those robes should sit in that closet til the world returns to dust!   My biggest surprise of the night had very little to do with the music at all, but in lots of hugs from my big sister Kelly, her husband Artie and their kids who are the greatest kids in the whole world.  They all came to see the musical and I felt like the coolest aunt in the world having my own section of smiling neices and nephews.  Kelly's youngest daughter Emily made me the sweetest card that I tucked inside my folder so I could see it next to my music while I was singing.  I am so grateful for God bringing Kelly and Artie back into my life after many years apart and for their amazing children who bring such joy to my heart.

After the cantate Ms. Debbie and Ms. Linda put on the most elaborate fabulous dessert buffet ever and the social hall was transformed into a North Pole tasting room full of goodies Mrs. Claus herself would have been impressed with.  It was a good time to kick back and enjoy time with friends after working so hard on the musical for the last months.

Cynthia, Donna and I should never be allowed to take pictures of ourselves.  We are very bad at it.  Cynthia says she doesn't like her neck in this picture but I'm not sure who can see it with the blinding light of my glasses.  Of course there is the annual cheese ball picture of me and Robin.  I smacked him in the head and told him not to look stupid right before we snapped it...we see how well that worked out :)

I'm glad we are finished with the music, but grateful for the memories it leaves us!  Now looking forward to to the choir Christmas party on Saturday.  It should prove equally memorable!

A Few Chirstmas Friends

This is what I have been spending my evenings watching while crocheting.  Some of them have been with me every Christmas I can remember, and they are like old friends, and others are much newer.  In any event no matter where I end up at Christmas these guys seem to come with me.  So cheers to Rudolf, Bing, Rosemary, Frank, Santa and all their friends!  Happy Chirstmas!

A Very Crochet Christmas

This Christmas has been full of yarn!!!  In an effort to not have a last minute rush I started on this year's Christmas in January....glad I did!  I of course had a fall lag of enthusiasm and now am overwhelmed with the stuff I haven't finished.  Priorities of course are in order.  The children in my life will have something from me; the adults will get theirs when I get myself together.  In any event, scarves, afghans, snowflake ornaments, purses and other assorted crocheted handy-crafts will find their way to their new homes in the next couple of weeks and I might possibly find the floor in my bedroom that has been hidden in yarn for months...and then it will all start again.

Sometimes I worry I am going to turn into Iola Boylin from Mama's Family with all of my handy-crafting but I love it and I love honoring my mother in making Christmas presents the way she always did.  Her presents were never about how expensive or grand they were but in the time she spent on something esspecially for someone she loved.  This is my connection to her that is mine and mine alone and I treasure it above all things she could have left me.

Sushi and Parades: Take Two

It's hard to believe a year has passed since the first time I went to the parade with my church.  Even more amazing that of all the events that come this time of year, this is the one I have spent the whole year looking forward to.
Rain was the unexpected prelude to Santa this year and I was soaked though and frozen to the bone by the time the jolly ole elf rolled through the corner of Daniel Morgan and Church but still there is nothing like huddling together with the ones you love around Gatorade coolers filled with steaming hot chocolate to warm the soul.  No matter that is going on in life, the parade is magic and for those few fleeting moments all of life is about what is on that next float and the smiles that it will bring.  Nothing else matters, all is perfect.
Sushi has come a long way in my life since last year and my first squeamish attempts and trying raw fish.  Niku tataki is my new favorite after last night.  It was incredible.  (and yes I know that is beef and not fish, but I had some tuna tataki too.)
Anyway friends, thanks for the memories and here's to looking forward to next year (and hopefully a little less rain.)

Setting a Standard

It seems that blatant public rudeness is now an acceptable means of expression for the masses. Leading this downfall of genteel civility are our celebrities in music and sports like Kanye West and Serena Williams and of course our political representation in the form of Rep. Joe Wilson from the great state of South Carolina. It appears that we now interpret the rights given under the First Amendment as free reign to publicly say whatever we want with no regard for others or the consequences.
Yelling out "You lie" in a presidential address is not OK. It is certainly OK to disagree and to voice your opinions but there is a time and place and talking out of turn is like reverting back to kindergarten and screaming out the answer while other students patiently raise their hands as instructed. Grow up Representative Wilson.
These public temper tantrums keep creeping up and I am appalled. These are the people who we are supposedly expected to look up to and want to be like. I not only don't want to be like that but I am sickened to think that anyone would. I realize the celebrity party line seems to be that they never asked for people to look up to them. Well get a grip. With power comes responsibility and it is time for the powers that be in all genres and settings to step up. We are raising a generation of children who in the last couple of weeks have been given an education in reprehensible public behavior. Let's treat all human beings with a little respect. This is not something where lines are drawn on the grounds of race, political distinction or taste in music. This is learning basic decency and not acting like you are above it.

Football Season!!!

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I chose to go the University of North Carolina at Asheville for college, but how I ended up at a college with no football team is still beyond me. It's fall and fall means Gamecock football!

There is nothing like screaming your lungs off during the last two minutes of a game hoping that your team will come back for a win. And in those events when you lose, it's still a great time. I love the camaraderie of those who pull for the same team. The mutual love for black and garnet and the fact that complete strangers become friends for the day.

Next Saturday Sherrie and I are going to Columbia for the game and I can't wait! It has been years since I went to Williams Brice for a live game and I can't help but recall being a very little girl about 3 or 4 and standing in front of the elevators and seeing Cocky come out of them. I have to admit that the prospect of seeing Cocky still excites me as much now as it did then.

Here's to a new season that has started off pretty promising and to enjoying it with friends old and new!

Praying...

The Apostle Paul said to pray without ceasing. When I was a teenager this thought struck me as insane. How could one live and function doing absolutely nothing but praying. Absolute absurdity.
Over the last weeks I have been bombarded with prayer requests from friends and family. From sick fathers and brothers, funerals, military deployment, starting college, lost co-workers and everything in between. These are not trivial things to take lightly. They are earnest requests from ones I love. Today is my mom's birthday and I am reminded that not so long ago I was the one requesting these prayers from my friends for her. My friends rallied and prayed until God gave her the ultimate healing, and then continued to pray for me. God's presence was ever there and I could feel all of the prayers being lifted up around me.
Today my only question is how can one live and function without praying constantly? This open full communication with a loving Father is not only a line for making requests like a letter to Santa, but a true source of comfort and strength no matter what the situation is. Like every good parent the answer is not always yes. Sometimes it is a flat no becasue we ask for things that despite our own resoning are not in our best interests. Sometimes the answer is not yet, and sometimes the answer comes in a way we never anticipated.
Prayer is the ultimate both of faith between us and our Heavenly Father. It is like the diaries we kept hidden under the mattress in 6th grade. A full disclosure of your heart to one who loves you like no other could.
Today I am praying more than ever and I hope you will include me in yours as well.

Nothing's gonna rain on my parade...

This past weekend has been on my calendar for months. My big brother Matt was playing in Greenville Saturday night and it has been the center of my anticipation. Well, things being what things are a series of unfortunate events occurred. Mainly centered in my own phobias of driving my car, I was stalled and spent an evening talking about my mom with someone who knew her infinitely better than I did. Not the plan, but it was what was needed at the time.
Sunday was a day I wanted to sleep through. Drowning in self inflicted agoraphobic tendencies, I just wanted to curl up and watch hours of Gilmore Girls. Duty calls and responsibility to prevailed and I ended up with a lovely day that ended with Mexican food and 3 of my favorite people around the table. So much happiness is all around me. I am constantly reminded that I have the most amazing friends. Not just my YaYa's and Wild Women that as fabulous as they are, happen to be painfully far away. Not even just in Asheville, but here in the hometown I have the best people who never cease to make me laugh and wipe the occasional tear when needed. No matter how many dark clouds like to loom in the shadows there is so much light all around me. Nothing is going to rain on this parade, and if it does (and let's face it, it probably will) then I will just dance in the rain.

Summer 2009

There are a few versions of this summer...the one we planned for and the one that met us at the door. I can't write it all out together. There is so much to say to the people I love and I can't quite mesh all the conflicting thoughts together. I thought time would help me gain perspective, but alas I feel if I wait to long I will loose the vivid colors of each moment I want to pay homage to. So here is a blog in pieces for the sisters I love.

For Sarah...
There has never been a cooler bride nor will there ever be again. When others might have gone bridezilla nuts, you never took yourself to seriously and never expected your friends to be anything but themselves. Your sense of humor was never lost even when our whole caravan got lost on the way to the hotel going in different directions. It was just another fabulous adventure to share. You and Adam brought tears to my eyes as you said your vows and standing next to your new sister in law gave me the comfort of knowing how much you are loved in this new family the two of you have brought together. For everything from learning to walk down spiral stairs in heels and a ball gown to meeting Ken in the middle of the rehearsal by saying "Hi, I'm Jess. Nice Charlie Brown shirt." I thank you. It was wonderful and unforgettable and I am above and beyond grateful for being able to take part and bear witness. I love you.
Oh, and you can take pride in knowing that of all the bouquet's I've "caught," yours was the one that came to me without deliberate encouragement. :)

For Jackie...
My dearest Jacks, I learned more about our friendship and how important you are to me this summer than in all the time we lived together. I just wanted to wrap my arms around you and never let go, but I know that isn't your style and our geographical challenges make that a bit complicated. In that weekend in the midst of wedding frivolity there were moments when a conversation would lull, or there would be a pause that was just slightly to long and in that moment I knew that's were you belonged. Missing you and loving you and knowing you weren't with us because you were facing the hardest saddest days of your life made me ache and I can't quite find all the words I need to say to you. All I know is that I never knew how much I leaned on you and depended on you until you weren't there and I hope you know that you can lean on me every now and then too. I love you bebe.

For Dano...
On the surface I suppose we may look like we have the least in common of the four of us. I guess I've always seen it that way, but in this summer of joy and grief I was glad to have you to take the journey with. It's funny, but looking back we have spent the least amount of time together, but those simple plain things we share in common were the greatest comfort to me this summer. We know grief and we know it from similar places, neither of us are very keen on driving in unknown places at night and make up isn't on the top of any skill list that would be attributed to us. This and so much more made me so glad to have you by my side. You made me laugh harder, and stay braver and when I was silent you and you alone knew why. Thanks for being my sidekick in an impossible situation of conflicts. You held me together and made me stand on my own and never let me forget to laugh. I love you, pal.

Walking backward through my life I wonder what the roads I didn't take would have held.
Did I make a wrong turn, did I make the wrong choice?
Am I the woman I was mean to be, or am I a result of mistakes made and bad decisions?
One has to ask when sitting stagnate, have I missed a step that brought me here or am I just waiting for what's around the bend.
I am restless, antsy and waiting without much patience.
I question God at every turn, because something seems amiss and I can't quite get the kaleidoscope into focus.
The colors turn and the picture is there, and yet, there is something blank and void, and I can't wrap my hands and heart around it.
Where do I go from here?

Waxing theologethic in Hollywood

Ok, gasp, I went to see Angels and Demons yesterday at the cinema...I confess I am a Dan Brown junkie. Here's the kicker, a movie based on a Dan Brown novel has had me thinking about and praising God all day...who knew?
Essentially the conclusion of the film got me to thinking. An aging cardinal speaking to a young professor who is religiously neutral says, and pardon the paraphrase, that religion is imperfect, but only because we (human beings) are imperfect...now that got my wheels spinning.
We as Christians serve a perfect God, and we in human form are fully imperfect. This got me to thinking. Religion is imperfect because religion was created and is carried out by men. Men and women who pervert holy teachings to achieve their own ends tend to be the cornerstone of "religion" in the world. God however is still imperfect with truth as his beacon in the darkness of conflicting religions that seek to explain God better than the next. It's interesting to me that we create something so imperfect in the name of one who is perfect. Instead of serving and building a real relationship with God, men throughout time have used God's name to further themselves and build their own pedestals and monuments. God has never changed, and has never wavered in his opinions on the pharisees of Christ's time or the modern day marvels of Christendom in ours. Whether you subscribe to the Catholic teachings of the Vatican or the mega church phenomenon in Bible Belt, USA you have to admit that mass herding for the sake of cash flow and book sales is not what God had in mind when he endorsed church. I believe he wanted believers who could support each other in spiritual growth as well as other daily challenges. People who can come together in his name to praise him, but also love one another in simplicity and truth. I think when we come away from that and talk about how Rev. So-and-so can draw such a large crowd, and Preacher What's his name can raise so much money we have left the perfection of God and dove full on into the realm of religion. Here's a hint, people are turned off by religion, but someone who will listen and love you in spite of your own imperfection is generally welcomed.
Thanks Mr Brown for writing the book, and Ron Howard for directing a brilliant movie, because God can use a piece of fiction when he desires...he is God afterall...

Relay for Life!! 2009

There is nothing more heart warming, inspiring and wonderful than watching the survivors lap at Relay for Life. These are the people who have or still are facing this awful disease we call cancer in the face. Watching their courage shine through their smiles as they walk the opening lap of the night emboldens me and makes me believe that one day not to far away their will be no reason for this walk anymore, because we will have defeated cancer once and for all.
This year was extra special for me because I was there with Sherrie who respesents so much of where I come from and also with Nikki, Courtney, Abby and Kacie who are such bright spots in my life now. Walking that track with people I love so much and sharing this night which for me is all about honoring my mom's memory was great. Mom would have been happy to see me walking and she above all people would have gotten that I put her picture on top of the word girl on my "Fight Like a Girl" shirt...she would have gotten the "Fight Like a Mom" statement and would have fully endorsed the cheesiness.
SO thanks mom for fighting until God brought you home and you didn't have to fight anymore. I'll keep walking for you every year until there is no longer a reason to walk.

*All photos courtesy of Nikki Paxton Photography

Here Comes the Sun...do do do doo

YaYa wedding number two: Tim and Dano Zynda-Clark
Tears seeped out of my eyes watching my pal Dano say I do to Tim yesterday. This is my Dano, the girl who taught me to love Jane Austen, went tubing with me in Lake Hartwell, and consistently opened my eyes to new adventures between the covers of good books. So there I sat sandwiched between Jackie and Sarah watching as the second of the sisterhood welcomed a fella into the family on a permanent basis. Surreal...and we will do it again in 2 months with Sarah and Adam.
Sitting in Jackie's kitchen you look up to a sign over the window that reads "Here Comes the Sun." These girls are my sunshine. They have been for a while and they will be for a long while to come. These fellas better take care of them, love them and make them happy. I may be the shortest, the chubbiest and in many ways the weakest, but if you mess with my girls the fact that I am the oldest and therefore the big sister will come out and bite you in the ass. That being said, I love these guys. I look forward to living out our lives, sharing stories, memories and witnessing their lives with my yayas.
Late last night before falling over into a deep wine induced sleep I asked Jackie would we be as close as we are if we met as the people we are now as opposed to the girls we were then. I don't really know the answer, but I think we grew up together and that is the tie that binds us. The impressionable years of early adulthood were shared together. Though we are unmistakeably different from our heights and hair colors to our religion and politics, we have left impressions and shadows of ourselves on each others hearts. We took each other in and for better for worse we are now apart of one another until sun sets for the final time in our lives.
To the Yayas their spouses, futures spouses and all those potential petites! Cheers and many happy returns to one another!

The old homeplace...

Once upon a time there was a church that was in walking distance to the most ghetto of apartments. In the apartment lived a young girl trying desperately to convince everyone and mostly herself that she was a grown woman. She had no car and she had never learned to drive anyway so a car would have done her little good. This young girl did have a desire to be in God's house. She had prayed for two years that God would give her a church home in her new city of residence. On faith she walked the few blocks up the street to this large brick church with the copper bell tower and tall white columns and inside she found her home. Baby blue walls and shag carpet in a sanctuary decorated with butterflies hanging from the chandelier for Vacation Bible School.
That was how my love affair with Calvary Baptist of Asheville began. I only spent four years serving there and I can't remember all of those, but it was the place grew up into the woman I wanted to be and found a family that is in all ways as dear as that which was given to me by birth. I was in Asheville for a short visit and I couldn't help but stop and snap a couple of pictures of this home of yesteryear. I now call another baby blue walled CBC home and and greatful to do so, but I thought I would pay a little homage to where I came from.

More than a dream

Have you ever looked at life and thought "Whoa! How did I get here?"
I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Looking back at all the dreams and expectations I had for my life, and comparing and contrasting to the reality that I have become. Some of you reading this have known me since I was making those dreams and expectations and I suppose you might be surprised at where I am now, or you always assumed I would be exactly where I am. Whatever the case, I am surprised.
I never set out to be a bank teller. In the 7th grade Mrs. Price made us take a career assessment and she insisted that I put down banker as one of my possibilities. I informed her she was crazy and that there would be no way in very hot places that I would ever become a banker. I always dreamed of being a singer or an actress or if I must be normal I was going to teach. Out of sheer nicety no one ever informed me that I had no business singing out of church, I didn't have the face for acting and I suppose no one knew that I would grow up to only like small children in smaller doses. Even in more recent history, I thought I would live in Asheville until they stuck me in the ground. Of course here I sit in my hometown in South Carolina, the one place I was convinced I would never go. It is shocking to me I am here, I am the woman I am and yet I am content beyond measure. Sometimes the job makes me crazy, I want to strangle some of my lifelong friends, and I am enveloped in the insanity called family, but I am thrilled to be living this life. This life I didn't have the good sense to dream for or expect and yet God said "Here, my stupid little lamb, I brought you here in spite of yourself." God is good all the time and yes, all the time God is good. Here's to life being more than you can ever dream. Simplicity is everything, and the small moments make the big life.

For Sherrie

Sherrie says I need a new blog, and I can't exactly argue with that so here goes.

The winter is for all intents and purposes gone here in South Carolina. I spent my day laying out in the sun hoping that I might escape the Casper syndrome that my legs had succumbed to. Of course, I and my lily self am still lily with fabulous tomato red knees that should look lovely peeking out from my Sunday church attire in the morning.
The winter wasn't exactly long, but eventful. A new car, old friend and family reentered my life and of course a few left this life forever. Most recently and fresh to the heart, my Momma Dorcas. I haven't even come to terms with knowing I will never have her kiss my cheeks or give me one of those amazing bear hugs again. This like all seasons has been life changing. We never face two seasons as the same person. The events of one always change how you enter the next, but this time it's a little different. This winter was unassuming really. Nothing really knocked the wind out of me or made me elated beyond all reason, but all the little pieces together are huge.
Here's hoping that all of this has changed me for the better, made me stronger and that I will live out this spring and enter the summer a woman much more equipped for life. I have lost much, but I have loved more and I have been loved more than anyone could ever imagine. It's still a very good life.

Goodbye Blanche

We all new it would happen one day but the old Subaru has finally taken it's last drive and is now cruising the highway in the sky with the rest of those first cars we all had. Saying goodbye was like saying goodbye to a best friend and sidekick. I grew up with that car, and she grew old with me. I will never forget driving her in circles in the cul de sac on Sevier St. learning to drive or the day Buddy put her plate on the back for me. That car was the greatest gift of love and freedom from my big brother Jon. It meant everything to me in the beginning, and in the end she was there to witness alot in my life. She was there when my mom was sick to drive me up and down the mountain and there to take me home on auto pilot the morning she died. She was there for the first road trip to see Mary and although I was alone in the car, I wasn't alone. That car, my Blanche, had such presence and personality that I never felt alone. She kept me safe, kept me healthy in many ways, and kept me moving forward. I have moved on and there will be pictures of the new wheels soon, but the old girl needed to be remembered for all she was.

About that thing called love...

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"

Charlie Brown is one of my favorite cartoon heroes. Nothing makes me laugh quite as much as him and his illusive football. The truth of the matter however is that Charlie and his cronies always get to the heart of the matter. For all the humor it is very little fluff. It’s all substance when you break it down.
Valentine’s Day; dirty words for a single gal in her late 20s. I have always been good with the infamous V-day by myself, and have to say that the ones spent with significant others usually end up ticking me off due to way to much pressure and expectation. All that being said, the worst has to be spending Valentines looking into the eyes of one you love with all your heart and knowing there is nothing coming back in return. I’m a sensible girl. I don’t go gaga for much other than a new Alan Rickman movie at the Spartan 16. I, however, once or twice a decade fall so stupid in love with someone I cannot have that all my sensibilities and good intentions can be deemed null and void. Three times in my life I have had this happen. Middle School, freshman year of college and of course now in my blissful adultness I am stricken again. Two questions remain. Why do I only fall for men who are so out of my league? And why must I fall so hard?
There is no greater personal agony. Ok, so yes there, is but you go around with the sneaky feeling that everyone you know wants to shake you and tell you to get a grip, and yet don’t because they want to love you and support you even in your insanity. It’s positively beyond reason and you can’t stop your self once you start falling. All you can do it hope that someone puts a giant inflatable pillow out before the ground jumps up and smacks you in the face.
All that to say, as I decorate at work and church for this holiday of hearts and flowers bathed in shades of Pepto-Bismol, and fill out my Snoopy valentines for the masses I am a puddle of silly girlish giggles desiring once again what she cannot and shall not have.

Presidents and Saviors

Next week our country will inaugurate a new president. For many people this bring a lot of hope, joy and excitement, whereas for others this election has brought concern, fear and even hatred. Personally I voted for the guy, and I am pretty proud to say I did. This whole election brings back to mind a conversation with a teacher of mine in elementary school. As the child of devout Republicans, I was very upset when Bill Clinton was elected. I was 11 years old when he was inaugurated and my teacher made a comment about voting for him. My reaction was less than pleased and then that teacher (whose name I can never recall) taught me the greatest lesson I've ever had on politics. "We weren't asking for a savior." Those words have stuck with me through the years and every election season they come to mean more to me.
Our country is in a rough patch. Our economy is shot, we are in a war that the majority of our citizens disagree with on some level, and people's faith in government is at an all time low for my lifetime. All this being said, we weren't electing a savior. Those who are expecting Mr. Obama to be that will be sadly disappointed. That particular position was filled over 2000 years ago and new applicants are not being excepted. Jesus Christ is my Savior and Mr. Obama is my president (or will be in a week or so.) I also think that we as Americans need to be very clear that all of the hopes for our country need to be placed in Christ, not any man whether he be Democrat or Republican. Mr. Obama will accomplish nothing without God's divining it to be so. He is a man elected by the people to serve to the best of his ability and we should expect no more or no less from him than just that. He got my vote, but more importantly he has my prayers. I have to ask that all Christians in this country (even those devout Republicans) give him the same.

Sex education at Walgreens...

I stopped in at the drugstore yesterday to purchase some Junior Mints and Twizzlers to smuggle into the movie theater. Sherrie thinks I am genius because I smuggle movie theater boxes of candy into the theater. I suppose I am just that cool.
Anyway, in my wanderings at the Walgreens I noticed something new and slightly humorous. On the same aisle in consecutive order are condoms, pregnancy test, diapers and baby toys. How had I missed this? Someone in the marketing department for Walgreens has the most fabulous sense of humor. Here is your birth control, and if you think it didn't work, here's your test. Positive? No problem, we have the supplies to take care of you for the next couple of years. Amazing! All this to wonder, is this a subtle statement to teenagers? Are they trying to send sublemenal messages to the youth of America by making you look at diapers while buying condoms? Sneaky enough, but I personally just got a really good laugh while buying bootleg movie candy.

Waxing poetic...

For every friend, for every foe

I stand in awe of the places I will go

So much has past, so much to come

What exactly will this year become

Will I love more, Will I hate less

Will I truly strive to be my best

I dread to live to tell the tale of regrets again

And woulda, shoulda coulda beens

I think I am a woman of grace

I probably think way to much of this face

Lord give me patience with those who offend

Lord grant my humility on my own end

Let me give more, Let me take less

Let me be strong enough to stand my own test

This is the moment where the pendulum swings

Let me soar off the end to explore my own things

New Year, Old friends...

In making the end of year collage for 2008 and reading my pal Carrie's comment I am forced to think of the people who are missing from it. It was a great year, but looking ahead I have to say there are people I want brought back to the forefront in my life. The YaYa's, although were there as always to end and begin the year with me were distinctly absent from the rest of the year. The fault of course belongs entirely in my own lousy lap, and that is a situation that needs to rectified in the coming year. (Of course the two weddings should help greatly in that matter!)
Carrie and Bill. There have been times when they were the pillars that held me up. Carrie, who brings fun and laughter to a whole new level and Bill who makes me absolutely crazy, but grounds me like no one else. Their son is of course my nephew int he way that college makes a family and I have yet to pinch his cheeks like a good spinster aunt ought too. Again, a situation that must be fixed.
I suppose most obviously missing are the Corbins. How did I go a year with only 2 weekends in Asheville, and no pictures?!?! These are the parents and family I chose. They are a huge piece of my heart and in the silent moments I have felt their absence most severely. Living well and happy without them as a constant is probably the greatest testament to them and the health that they fostered in my life, but it is bittersweet. I need them. Not to have a reason to get up everyday, but just to love.
It's New Year, resolution time. Yes I need to loose weight and that's fine and good. I've given up soda and we will see how that goes, but more importantly I want to stop giving up time with my friends. That's my resolution.

Goodbye 2008

I can't get my head wrapped around a year end review so here are a few memories worth revisiting.