Sushi and Parades: Take Two

It's hard to believe a year has passed since the first time I went to the parade with my church.  Even more amazing that of all the events that come this time of year, this is the one I have spent the whole year looking forward to.
Rain was the unexpected prelude to Santa this year and I was soaked though and frozen to the bone by the time the jolly ole elf rolled through the corner of Daniel Morgan and Church but still there is nothing like huddling together with the ones you love around Gatorade coolers filled with steaming hot chocolate to warm the soul.  No matter that is going on in life, the parade is magic and for those few fleeting moments all of life is about what is on that next float and the smiles that it will bring.  Nothing else matters, all is perfect.
Sushi has come a long way in my life since last year and my first squeamish attempts and trying raw fish.  Niku tataki is my new favorite after last night.  It was incredible.  (and yes I know that is beef and not fish, but I had some tuna tataki too.)
Anyway friends, thanks for the memories and here's to looking forward to next year (and hopefully a little less rain.)

Setting a Standard

It seems that blatant public rudeness is now an acceptable means of expression for the masses. Leading this downfall of genteel civility are our celebrities in music and sports like Kanye West and Serena Williams and of course our political representation in the form of Rep. Joe Wilson from the great state of South Carolina. It appears that we now interpret the rights given under the First Amendment as free reign to publicly say whatever we want with no regard for others or the consequences.
Yelling out "You lie" in a presidential address is not OK. It is certainly OK to disagree and to voice your opinions but there is a time and place and talking out of turn is like reverting back to kindergarten and screaming out the answer while other students patiently raise their hands as instructed. Grow up Representative Wilson.
These public temper tantrums keep creeping up and I am appalled. These are the people who we are supposedly expected to look up to and want to be like. I not only don't want to be like that but I am sickened to think that anyone would. I realize the celebrity party line seems to be that they never asked for people to look up to them. Well get a grip. With power comes responsibility and it is time for the powers that be in all genres and settings to step up. We are raising a generation of children who in the last couple of weeks have been given an education in reprehensible public behavior. Let's treat all human beings with a little respect. This is not something where lines are drawn on the grounds of race, political distinction or taste in music. This is learning basic decency and not acting like you are above it.

Football Season!!!

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I chose to go the University of North Carolina at Asheville for college, but how I ended up at a college with no football team is still beyond me. It's fall and fall means Gamecock football!

There is nothing like screaming your lungs off during the last two minutes of a game hoping that your team will come back for a win. And in those events when you lose, it's still a great time. I love the camaraderie of those who pull for the same team. The mutual love for black and garnet and the fact that complete strangers become friends for the day.

Next Saturday Sherrie and I are going to Columbia for the game and I can't wait! It has been years since I went to Williams Brice for a live game and I can't help but recall being a very little girl about 3 or 4 and standing in front of the elevators and seeing Cocky come out of them. I have to admit that the prospect of seeing Cocky still excites me as much now as it did then.

Here's to a new season that has started off pretty promising and to enjoying it with friends old and new!

Praying...

The Apostle Paul said to pray without ceasing. When I was a teenager this thought struck me as insane. How could one live and function doing absolutely nothing but praying. Absolute absurdity.
Over the last weeks I have been bombarded with prayer requests from friends and family. From sick fathers and brothers, funerals, military deployment, starting college, lost co-workers and everything in between. These are not trivial things to take lightly. They are earnest requests from ones I love. Today is my mom's birthday and I am reminded that not so long ago I was the one requesting these prayers from my friends for her. My friends rallied and prayed until God gave her the ultimate healing, and then continued to pray for me. God's presence was ever there and I could feel all of the prayers being lifted up around me.
Today my only question is how can one live and function without praying constantly? This open full communication with a loving Father is not only a line for making requests like a letter to Santa, but a true source of comfort and strength no matter what the situation is. Like every good parent the answer is not always yes. Sometimes it is a flat no becasue we ask for things that despite our own resoning are not in our best interests. Sometimes the answer is not yet, and sometimes the answer comes in a way we never anticipated.
Prayer is the ultimate both of faith between us and our Heavenly Father. It is like the diaries we kept hidden under the mattress in 6th grade. A full disclosure of your heart to one who loves you like no other could.
Today I am praying more than ever and I hope you will include me in yours as well.

Nothing's gonna rain on my parade...

This past weekend has been on my calendar for months. My big brother Matt was playing in Greenville Saturday night and it has been the center of my anticipation. Well, things being what things are a series of unfortunate events occurred. Mainly centered in my own phobias of driving my car, I was stalled and spent an evening talking about my mom with someone who knew her infinitely better than I did. Not the plan, but it was what was needed at the time.
Sunday was a day I wanted to sleep through. Drowning in self inflicted agoraphobic tendencies, I just wanted to curl up and watch hours of Gilmore Girls. Duty calls and responsibility to prevailed and I ended up with a lovely day that ended with Mexican food and 3 of my favorite people around the table. So much happiness is all around me. I am constantly reminded that I have the most amazing friends. Not just my YaYa's and Wild Women that as fabulous as they are, happen to be painfully far away. Not even just in Asheville, but here in the hometown I have the best people who never cease to make me laugh and wipe the occasional tear when needed. No matter how many dark clouds like to loom in the shadows there is so much light all around me. Nothing is going to rain on this parade, and if it does (and let's face it, it probably will) then I will just dance in the rain.

Summer 2009

There are a few versions of this summer...the one we planned for and the one that met us at the door. I can't write it all out together. There is so much to say to the people I love and I can't quite mesh all the conflicting thoughts together. I thought time would help me gain perspective, but alas I feel if I wait to long I will loose the vivid colors of each moment I want to pay homage to. So here is a blog in pieces for the sisters I love.

For Sarah...
There has never been a cooler bride nor will there ever be again. When others might have gone bridezilla nuts, you never took yourself to seriously and never expected your friends to be anything but themselves. Your sense of humor was never lost even when our whole caravan got lost on the way to the hotel going in different directions. It was just another fabulous adventure to share. You and Adam brought tears to my eyes as you said your vows and standing next to your new sister in law gave me the comfort of knowing how much you are loved in this new family the two of you have brought together. For everything from learning to walk down spiral stairs in heels and a ball gown to meeting Ken in the middle of the rehearsal by saying "Hi, I'm Jess. Nice Charlie Brown shirt." I thank you. It was wonderful and unforgettable and I am above and beyond grateful for being able to take part and bear witness. I love you.
Oh, and you can take pride in knowing that of all the bouquet's I've "caught," yours was the one that came to me without deliberate encouragement. :)

For Jackie...
My dearest Jacks, I learned more about our friendship and how important you are to me this summer than in all the time we lived together. I just wanted to wrap my arms around you and never let go, but I know that isn't your style and our geographical challenges make that a bit complicated. In that weekend in the midst of wedding frivolity there were moments when a conversation would lull, or there would be a pause that was just slightly to long and in that moment I knew that's were you belonged. Missing you and loving you and knowing you weren't with us because you were facing the hardest saddest days of your life made me ache and I can't quite find all the words I need to say to you. All I know is that I never knew how much I leaned on you and depended on you until you weren't there and I hope you know that you can lean on me every now and then too. I love you bebe.

For Dano...
On the surface I suppose we may look like we have the least in common of the four of us. I guess I've always seen it that way, but in this summer of joy and grief I was glad to have you to take the journey with. It's funny, but looking back we have spent the least amount of time together, but those simple plain things we share in common were the greatest comfort to me this summer. We know grief and we know it from similar places, neither of us are very keen on driving in unknown places at night and make up isn't on the top of any skill list that would be attributed to us. This and so much more made me so glad to have you by my side. You made me laugh harder, and stay braver and when I was silent you and you alone knew why. Thanks for being my sidekick in an impossible situation of conflicts. You held me together and made me stand on my own and never let me forget to laugh. I love you, pal.

Walking backward through my life I wonder what the roads I didn't take would have held.
Did I make a wrong turn, did I make the wrong choice?
Am I the woman I was mean to be, or am I a result of mistakes made and bad decisions?
One has to ask when sitting stagnate, have I missed a step that brought me here or am I just waiting for what's around the bend.
I am restless, antsy and waiting without much patience.
I question God at every turn, because something seems amiss and I can't quite get the kaleidoscope into focus.
The colors turn and the picture is there, and yet, there is something blank and void, and I can't wrap my hands and heart around it.
Where do I go from here?

Waxing theologethic in Hollywood

Ok, gasp, I went to see Angels and Demons yesterday at the cinema...I confess I am a Dan Brown junkie. Here's the kicker, a movie based on a Dan Brown novel has had me thinking about and praising God all day...who knew?
Essentially the conclusion of the film got me to thinking. An aging cardinal speaking to a young professor who is religiously neutral says, and pardon the paraphrase, that religion is imperfect, but only because we (human beings) are imperfect...now that got my wheels spinning.
We as Christians serve a perfect God, and we in human form are fully imperfect. This got me to thinking. Religion is imperfect because religion was created and is carried out by men. Men and women who pervert holy teachings to achieve their own ends tend to be the cornerstone of "religion" in the world. God however is still imperfect with truth as his beacon in the darkness of conflicting religions that seek to explain God better than the next. It's interesting to me that we create something so imperfect in the name of one who is perfect. Instead of serving and building a real relationship with God, men throughout time have used God's name to further themselves and build their own pedestals and monuments. God has never changed, and has never wavered in his opinions on the pharisees of Christ's time or the modern day marvels of Christendom in ours. Whether you subscribe to the Catholic teachings of the Vatican or the mega church phenomenon in Bible Belt, USA you have to admit that mass herding for the sake of cash flow and book sales is not what God had in mind when he endorsed church. I believe he wanted believers who could support each other in spiritual growth as well as other daily challenges. People who can come together in his name to praise him, but also love one another in simplicity and truth. I think when we come away from that and talk about how Rev. So-and-so can draw such a large crowd, and Preacher What's his name can raise so much money we have left the perfection of God and dove full on into the realm of religion. Here's a hint, people are turned off by religion, but someone who will listen and love you in spite of your own imperfection is generally welcomed.
Thanks Mr Brown for writing the book, and Ron Howard for directing a brilliant movie, because God can use a piece of fiction when he desires...he is God afterall...

Relay for Life!! 2009

There is nothing more heart warming, inspiring and wonderful than watching the survivors lap at Relay for Life. These are the people who have or still are facing this awful disease we call cancer in the face. Watching their courage shine through their smiles as they walk the opening lap of the night emboldens me and makes me believe that one day not to far away their will be no reason for this walk anymore, because we will have defeated cancer once and for all.
This year was extra special for me because I was there with Sherrie who respesents so much of where I come from and also with Nikki, Courtney, Abby and Kacie who are such bright spots in my life now. Walking that track with people I love so much and sharing this night which for me is all about honoring my mom's memory was great. Mom would have been happy to see me walking and she above all people would have gotten that I put her picture on top of the word girl on my "Fight Like a Girl" shirt...she would have gotten the "Fight Like a Mom" statement and would have fully endorsed the cheesiness.
SO thanks mom for fighting until God brought you home and you didn't have to fight anymore. I'll keep walking for you every year until there is no longer a reason to walk.

*All photos courtesy of Nikki Paxton Photography

Here Comes the Sun...do do do doo

YaYa wedding number two: Tim and Dano Zynda-Clark
Tears seeped out of my eyes watching my pal Dano say I do to Tim yesterday. This is my Dano, the girl who taught me to love Jane Austen, went tubing with me in Lake Hartwell, and consistently opened my eyes to new adventures between the covers of good books. So there I sat sandwiched between Jackie and Sarah watching as the second of the sisterhood welcomed a fella into the family on a permanent basis. Surreal...and we will do it again in 2 months with Sarah and Adam.
Sitting in Jackie's kitchen you look up to a sign over the window that reads "Here Comes the Sun." These girls are my sunshine. They have been for a while and they will be for a long while to come. These fellas better take care of them, love them and make them happy. I may be the shortest, the chubbiest and in many ways the weakest, but if you mess with my girls the fact that I am the oldest and therefore the big sister will come out and bite you in the ass. That being said, I love these guys. I look forward to living out our lives, sharing stories, memories and witnessing their lives with my yayas.
Late last night before falling over into a deep wine induced sleep I asked Jackie would we be as close as we are if we met as the people we are now as opposed to the girls we were then. I don't really know the answer, but I think we grew up together and that is the tie that binds us. The impressionable years of early adulthood were shared together. Though we are unmistakeably different from our heights and hair colors to our religion and politics, we have left impressions and shadows of ourselves on each others hearts. We took each other in and for better for worse we are now apart of one another until sun sets for the final time in our lives.
To the Yayas their spouses, futures spouses and all those potential petites! Cheers and many happy returns to one another!