Goodbye Blanche

We all new it would happen one day but the old Subaru has finally taken it's last drive and is now cruising the highway in the sky with the rest of those first cars we all had. Saying goodbye was like saying goodbye to a best friend and sidekick. I grew up with that car, and she grew old with me. I will never forget driving her in circles in the cul de sac on Sevier St. learning to drive or the day Buddy put her plate on the back for me. That car was the greatest gift of love and freedom from my big brother Jon. It meant everything to me in the beginning, and in the end she was there to witness alot in my life. She was there when my mom was sick to drive me up and down the mountain and there to take me home on auto pilot the morning she died. She was there for the first road trip to see Mary and although I was alone in the car, I wasn't alone. That car, my Blanche, had such presence and personality that I never felt alone. She kept me safe, kept me healthy in many ways, and kept me moving forward. I have moved on and there will be pictures of the new wheels soon, but the old girl needed to be remembered for all she was.

About that thing called love...

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"

Charlie Brown is one of my favorite cartoon heroes. Nothing makes me laugh quite as much as him and his illusive football. The truth of the matter however is that Charlie and his cronies always get to the heart of the matter. For all the humor it is very little fluff. It’s all substance when you break it down.
Valentine’s Day; dirty words for a single gal in her late 20s. I have always been good with the infamous V-day by myself, and have to say that the ones spent with significant others usually end up ticking me off due to way to much pressure and expectation. All that being said, the worst has to be spending Valentines looking into the eyes of one you love with all your heart and knowing there is nothing coming back in return. I’m a sensible girl. I don’t go gaga for much other than a new Alan Rickman movie at the Spartan 16. I, however, once or twice a decade fall so stupid in love with someone I cannot have that all my sensibilities and good intentions can be deemed null and void. Three times in my life I have had this happen. Middle School, freshman year of college and of course now in my blissful adultness I am stricken again. Two questions remain. Why do I only fall for men who are so out of my league? And why must I fall so hard?
There is no greater personal agony. Ok, so yes there, is but you go around with the sneaky feeling that everyone you know wants to shake you and tell you to get a grip, and yet don’t because they want to love you and support you even in your insanity. It’s positively beyond reason and you can’t stop your self once you start falling. All you can do it hope that someone puts a giant inflatable pillow out before the ground jumps up and smacks you in the face.
All that to say, as I decorate at work and church for this holiday of hearts and flowers bathed in shades of Pepto-Bismol, and fill out my Snoopy valentines for the masses I am a puddle of silly girlish giggles desiring once again what she cannot and shall not have.

Presidents and Saviors

Next week our country will inaugurate a new president. For many people this bring a lot of hope, joy and excitement, whereas for others this election has brought concern, fear and even hatred. Personally I voted for the guy, and I am pretty proud to say I did. This whole election brings back to mind a conversation with a teacher of mine in elementary school. As the child of devout Republicans, I was very upset when Bill Clinton was elected. I was 11 years old when he was inaugurated and my teacher made a comment about voting for him. My reaction was less than pleased and then that teacher (whose name I can never recall) taught me the greatest lesson I've ever had on politics. "We weren't asking for a savior." Those words have stuck with me through the years and every election season they come to mean more to me.
Our country is in a rough patch. Our economy is shot, we are in a war that the majority of our citizens disagree with on some level, and people's faith in government is at an all time low for my lifetime. All this being said, we weren't electing a savior. Those who are expecting Mr. Obama to be that will be sadly disappointed. That particular position was filled over 2000 years ago and new applicants are not being excepted. Jesus Christ is my Savior and Mr. Obama is my president (or will be in a week or so.) I also think that we as Americans need to be very clear that all of the hopes for our country need to be placed in Christ, not any man whether he be Democrat or Republican. Mr. Obama will accomplish nothing without God's divining it to be so. He is a man elected by the people to serve to the best of his ability and we should expect no more or no less from him than just that. He got my vote, but more importantly he has my prayers. I have to ask that all Christians in this country (even those devout Republicans) give him the same.

Sex education at Walgreens...

I stopped in at the drugstore yesterday to purchase some Junior Mints and Twizzlers to smuggle into the movie theater. Sherrie thinks I am genius because I smuggle movie theater boxes of candy into the theater. I suppose I am just that cool.
Anyway, in my wanderings at the Walgreens I noticed something new and slightly humorous. On the same aisle in consecutive order are condoms, pregnancy test, diapers and baby toys. How had I missed this? Someone in the marketing department for Walgreens has the most fabulous sense of humor. Here is your birth control, and if you think it didn't work, here's your test. Positive? No problem, we have the supplies to take care of you for the next couple of years. Amazing! All this to wonder, is this a subtle statement to teenagers? Are they trying to send sublemenal messages to the youth of America by making you look at diapers while buying condoms? Sneaky enough, but I personally just got a really good laugh while buying bootleg movie candy.

Waxing poetic...

For every friend, for every foe

I stand in awe of the places I will go

So much has past, so much to come

What exactly will this year become

Will I love more, Will I hate less

Will I truly strive to be my best

I dread to live to tell the tale of regrets again

And woulda, shoulda coulda beens

I think I am a woman of grace

I probably think way to much of this face

Lord give me patience with those who offend

Lord grant my humility on my own end

Let me give more, Let me take less

Let me be strong enough to stand my own test

This is the moment where the pendulum swings

Let me soar off the end to explore my own things

New Year, Old friends...

In making the end of year collage for 2008 and reading my pal Carrie's comment I am forced to think of the people who are missing from it. It was a great year, but looking ahead I have to say there are people I want brought back to the forefront in my life. The YaYa's, although were there as always to end and begin the year with me were distinctly absent from the rest of the year. The fault of course belongs entirely in my own lousy lap, and that is a situation that needs to rectified in the coming year. (Of course the two weddings should help greatly in that matter!)
Carrie and Bill. There have been times when they were the pillars that held me up. Carrie, who brings fun and laughter to a whole new level and Bill who makes me absolutely crazy, but grounds me like no one else. Their son is of course my nephew int he way that college makes a family and I have yet to pinch his cheeks like a good spinster aunt ought too. Again, a situation that must be fixed.
I suppose most obviously missing are the Corbins. How did I go a year with only 2 weekends in Asheville, and no pictures?!?! These are the parents and family I chose. They are a huge piece of my heart and in the silent moments I have felt their absence most severely. Living well and happy without them as a constant is probably the greatest testament to them and the health that they fostered in my life, but it is bittersweet. I need them. Not to have a reason to get up everyday, but just to love.
It's New Year, resolution time. Yes I need to loose weight and that's fine and good. I've given up soda and we will see how that goes, but more importantly I want to stop giving up time with my friends. That's my resolution.

Goodbye 2008

I can't get my head wrapped around a year end review so here are a few memories worth revisiting.

It's finally here...

Well a month of anticipation, parties and being good so that Santa will come see me and it is finally Christmas Eve. I will be in bed soon as Norad says the big guy in red will be hitting the United States in an hour or so.
Truly an amazing Christmas on every level. Forget that I haven't opened the "big presents" yet, this Christmas will go in my personal record book for being wonderful whether I have gifts or not. I have had my friends and family near and dear almost everyday. There has been a lot of laughter, a few tears, and more hugs than I can even begin to count. It has been a long road to this Christmas, to these friends and a church family that I was convinced could not exist for me again. When I moved back to Spartanburg two years ago, I never thought I would find a home like the one I had left in Asheville. I couldn't believe God would let you strike gold twice. I am the most blessed girl in the world.
Merry Christmas dear friends and family near and far, old and new and to the ones who lie ahead on the road for me to meet. May the coming year keep the spirit of love that has filled every nook and cranny of the last few weeks.

Sadness...

So amid all the joy and frivolity of this season, here comes tragedy. We know that death comes to us all eventually; no man is immortal. But at Christmas death seems somehow more cruel, more real and in some ways more final. The death of a friends mother reduced me to a puddle last night. I have never met this woman and yet her death brought a flood of emotion from me. Memories of my own mother's death two years ago came rushing up to the surface and all my strength and diginified reserve were lost.
This year Christmas has been so vivid, in such full technicolor. The joy of it has been overwhelming, and on the flip side this sadness is just as vivid and rich. My prayers are with my friends and their loss but selfishly it makes me turn inward and mourn my own losses. It also makes me want to build up the walls of defense another layer. I want to protect myslef from the hurt and so up goes the protective barriers. The problem with these barriers is that while they protect from the pain the lock out the joy and reduce the vivid colors to grays. It's a constant stuggle for me to keep the walls down and enlist a little bravery against the sadness.
In the mean time, say a prayer for the Edge family and love the ones you have a little more this Christmas.

A few words on banking etiquette

As a bank teller I find it necessary to say afew word to the banking illiterate.

First, if you want to make a deposit, you should bring a deposit slip. They are quite handy and usually located in the back of your checkbook. Now when you are filling it out the top line says "CASH." This is where you should write in any cash that you are depositing. Any checks you are depositing should not be listed there, but instead on the following lines that have a place for you to put a check number.
Secondly, if you would like some cash back from your deposit you need to write that amount in the "Less Cash recieved" line just above the total. If you want to do this you also must sign the space provided labled "Sign here for cash recieved." This is to protect the teller from giving money from your deposit to someone other than you. In the event that you forget to sign this part, your teller will ask you to do it. Now this is not a cue for you to cuss him or her out. They are actually trying to protect you not harass you so please bear that in mind.
Moving right along...cashing checks. If you go to the bank to cash a check do not be shocked when you are asked for and ID. This is simply a way of protecting our customers. It's actually pretty standard opperating procedure, and unless having your identity stolen really trips your trigger you should smile and cooperate.
Lastly. When you open an account you are given a little booklet called a register. Now you are supposed to right down the checks you right to people and the checks you deposit into your account. In the instance that the checks you right out amount to more than the checks you put in you will be in the negative. This is not my fault. I realize it is inconvenient and you will be charged fees, but again, I didn't do it. You will have to take care of it yourself, and cussing me out will not make me have sympathy for your situation.

These are just a few things to keep in mind next time you visit your bank. :)